A Journey into Self-Love

An Ode and a Farewell to my Nose Ring.

Hi, friends! I hope that you had a good week, I’ve been so dreadfully sick as of late, but I’m finally starting to feel somewhat better.

I’ve been contemplating removing my nose ring for quite some time, but I finally did it yesterday. I got it pierced when I was seventeen, so I’ve had it done for about four years now. My style at the time was also quite different. I had jet-black hair with straight-across bangs. It was certainly more edgy than it is now. Nowadays, I seem to favor a more classic style, well, when I decide to dress up anyhow. Otherwise it consists of fairly baggy “Life is Good” shirts.

I was beginning to feel as though I had sort of outgrown my nose ring.

So, yesterday. I’m sitting at my desk, fidgeting with my nose ring. Last weekend Bobby and I were bound and determined to get that thing out of my nose, but try as we might, we just couldn’t do it! And then yesterday, funnily enough, while I was just absentmindedly playing with it, the ball on it twisted off and I was able to easily take it off. My nose was only a tad red from the ordeal.

And maybe it’s because I’m a writer, or maybe it’s because I’m extra sensitive, but I sort of feel as though this could be a metaphor for me leaving my childhood. Which makes me sort of sad, but is also kind of exciting. I really am getting older and I suppose it’s not something that I think of too often. I mean, I’m almost on my last year of college, I’m engaged, and I’m going to be getting married this September.

I don’t know if spunky seventeen year old Mattie would believe any of this. I was so angsty and cynical back then.It’s so silly how emotional this nose ring has me, but in a way, it’s a measure of time, a measure of my growth as a person.

And I want to take a  moment to mention that I’m not turning up my nose (ha) at nose rings or anything of the like. I think that it is so important for us all to express ourselves, however that may be. I just think that I’m so different of a person than I was at seventeen that my nose ring doesn’t suit me anymore.

I remember being seventeen. It wasn’t really that long ago, but it feels that way. I remember feeling like I had to like unique things or dress differently than everyone else because I wasn’t “enough” if I was just being me. I felt I wasn’t interesting enough and I wasn’t pretty enough, or anything. I just wasn’t “enough”. Which is such a sad thing and a bad thing for someone to feel. And there are days where  I’m not happy with myself, but I am so glad that I don’t feel like I have to put on a costume to use as a distraction, to distract people from an insecure teenager. Getting rid of my nose ring, as silly as it may seem, was the last piece of that costume that I’ve stripped away.

We’re allowed to grow, it’s only natural that we don’t like the same things forever. It’s what I find so wonderful in life, that we will exist as so many people in our lifetime. It makes me excited to think of all the people that I will be!

Thank you so much for reading this, friends! I hope y’all have a great weekend!

XOXO,

Mattie Mae

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A Journey into Self-Love

A Journey into Self-Love

Hi, friends! Happy Saturday! Hope your week was good and that your weekend will be even better! Especially those in college with finals! My finals are next week! EEP!

Today I wanted to talk about self-confidence. Which is something, admittedly, I’ve been struggling with something fierce lately. Unfortunately, I’m sure that many people can relate to this. I think that when people think of self-confidence, they automatically think of one’s perception of their own looks. But it’s really so much more than that.

One issue that I have with self-confidence is the feeling that I am, singlehandedly, the most mean, most evil person in the whole world. Logically, I know that this isn’t the case. This is probably one of the reasons I find it so hard to say no to people. I’m convinced that if I say no to someone that it will ruin their life and in turn, they will think I’m the worst person to exist. Again, logically, I know that this isn’t true. But, alas.

Is there a solution? Well, I’m working on finding one. I’m sure that everyone can relate to this, and I wish that I had a concrete answer, but, as usual, I do not. What I can say is that all we can do is our best. Do our best to show kindness to others, but not at the expense of our own sanity and well-being. Odds are, saying no will not ruin somebody’s life, and it will make you feel much, much, better if you do. Something that I’ve always liked is the idea that we cannot pour from an empty cup. We cannot give to others if we’re not giving to ourselves.

Something that I did for the first time the other day was give myself a positive affirmation while looking at myself in the mirror. I think it’s something that I want to add to my everyday routine. I can definitely see it becoming a helpful thing. My lovely friend Rosie told me about the concept, and I thoroughly suggest it. It’s really simple. You look into the mirror and tell yourself whatever it is that you need to hear. For me, I like to say, “I am a kind person. I am doing my best. I am loved. Not only am I loved, but I am worthy of love.” Of course it can change day-to-day, depending on what you need at that time, but I really think it’s a lovely thing to do.

Remember, friends. We are all doing the best that we can do. And that’s all that we can do. Self-love doesn’t come easily, nor does it come quick. It’s a lifelong process, and we need to be patient with ourselves. We deserve to like and love ourselves.

Thank you for reading!

XOXO,

Mattie Mae