Hi, friends! It’s been quite some time since I’ve written up a blog post with random musings. So, I thought that I’d share some thoughts I’ve been having lately.
The world feels so heavy, even amidst any of the joys that we may have. It’s not right to stick our heads in the sand, but lately I’ve been finding great comfort in taking life slower and not keeping up-to-date with trends or memes or staying glued to my phone. As I’ve written here before, I’ve deleted most social media and I only use Instagram once a month. This helps greatly with not getting too invested in the online world.
I remember when I was younger and the internet was just becoming a big, exciting thing. How exhilarating it was to be able to go onto the desktop computer and play games on the American Girl website or to watch YouTube videos, back when they were made by people because they enjoyed it and were passionate and not because there was a chance that they could make a whole lot of money from it. (I will make a note that I still love YouTube, even with ads and product placement. I listen to video essays while doing chores almost every day. Long form content is different to me than short form because short form is all-consuming and purposely made to keep you glued to your phone.) My dad had a rule that we were only allowed an hour a day on the computer, but my brother and I thought we were so clever when we stacked up our time on the computer and found two-player games to play, so we had DOUBLE the time. He wasn’t impressed — HA!
Being on the internet feels wholly different now. It’s less fun — it feels like a chore. I don’t struggle with it quite as much, having a limited social media presence, but I do still feel it. There are days where I wonder if I’m being silly about not being online much, as it seems to be the main way that people stay connected. I have that thought some days, but overall I’m able to remember how little being on social media actually did to make me feel connected with others.
I was thinking yesterday about how overwhelming the internet and all it contains is as a grown up, how overwhelming must it be for a child, even if this world is all they’ve ever known? I do all that I can to minimize the screens in our house. We don’t own an iPad, I do my best not to be on my phone around my daughter, but it’s all still there. It’s not wise to keep them fully in the dark in regards to technology, because it’s the world they live in. Kids use technology for school, it’s how you sign in at doctor appointments, pay for parking, and on and on and on. That’s why I do my best to limit it at home, but society is becoming more and more reliant on technology for things that admittedly seem ridiculous sometimes. (I will say… I do love being able to fill out my patient forms via email and not having to do it in person. It’s just efficient! It’s also great that you are still able to do it in person if need be, too.)
We do TV time, but I’m of the opinion that it can be a really great way of bonding for a family. I think back to my childhood and going to the video store to select a movie to watch, getting a Faygo or Jones soda, and making microwave popcorn. We had a green suede couch that pulled out into a bed; that even as a kid, was horribly uncomfortable, but so very fun. Every single time we’d open it, there would surely be some popcorn pieces from the previous week that’d pop out. My memory is this being a thing that we did every Friday, but whether or not it actually was that often, it had such a big impact on me and I love the memories that I have from those movie nights that we had. They’re one of the things from my childhood that I treasure the most.
We’ve been watching Mister Rogers for the past few weeks and I think that I enjoy it just as much as my daughter, maybe even more! There’s a slowness and gentleness to that show that doesn’t exist in shows made for kids today. We watch it on Tubi and the transition from Mister Rogers to the commercials that they play for other shows is so jarring. I don’t think that shows now are made to reach children how Rogers did. It’s so incredibly wholesome and when we’re done watching, I find myself in a much more upbeat and positive mood.
I understand that every generation believes that their generation is the best to grow up in, and truly I don’t think that the time I grew up in is perfect or the best, but I’ve been struggling with the best way to raise a child in this strange digital age. Materialism and marketing has been present for ages, but with the rise of the internet, we are being advertised to 24/7. That’s hard enough for an adult to manage, but I can’t imagine being a teenage girl now. Constantly feeling like you don’t have enough, and that you aren’t enough. Growing up, there were a few things that were the “must haves” but now there’s a new “must have” every week. That would be so exhausting to feel like you have to keep up with. My daughter is far from being a teenager, but I’m anxious thinking about how things will progress in a decade +.
A year or so ago I bought a CD player and I’ve really been enjoying having it. Yesterday, I broke out a CD that I’ve had since childhood and was having so much fun sharing that with my daughter. I have Apple Music and we do enjoy it, but there’s something special about having a more limited selection of music. You’re able to form such a special connection with music when you’re not overwhelmed with the sheer volume of options available. It’s just too much to handle. You spend more time finding the perfect song than actually listening to a song. I remember being so thoughtful when I had iTunes money to spend. What songs will I want to listen to over and over again? Having limited choices made it all the more special.
And the joy of finding CDs at the store!!! I remember as a kid I was given some birthday money and I desperately wanted an Ashley Tisdale CD, so I called Target to see if they had the CD (they didn’t), and my dad took me to Target, so I could look around to find something else. I ended up with Hannah Montana 2: Meet Miley Cyrus and the excitement I felt walking to the car, forcing my dad to answer, “Is this Hannah Montana or is it Miley Cyrus?” on each song because at that time, Miley Cyrus felt SO edgy to me, LOL.
I watched a YouTube video the other day about how there is less friction in the lives we live today. Obviously many things are very wrong and difficult, but many things now are also incredibly automated and easy.
Do we go to the video store to find a movie to watch and then come home and put it in the DVD player and settle in?
No, we go to the couch and sit down and are able to watch movie after movie, show after show, no need to stand up to switch out the DVD or go back to the store to get more DVDS. (Or VHS tapes. I remember renting The Sound of Music when I was younger and there were TWO tapes!!!)
And there’s not anything inherently bad about that! When you’re sick on the couch and you just need something, anything, on the TV so you’re not alone in your agony, it’s amazing to be able to do that, but it does make me sad that the option to go out and find a movie at the video store is no longer there.
My hometown had a video store called “Video Land”. This was where we went on Friday to select our movies. There was a kid’s section that had a big slide in the middle of the room that had a big black bean bag at the base of it so you weren’t falling directly on the floor. I cringe now thinking of the germs on that bean bag — ha! I also can’t imagine there ever being a slide like that in the middle of a business — how dangerous!!! But so very fun.
I was still using Family Video when my husband and I first got married and we loved it until they all closed down. When we lived in our beloved, small town, one town over had TWO Family Videos and when they were going out business we went to look at the movies and they were selling everything but the drywall. And it was SO sad. I miss it!!!
I don’t really know the point of this post. I’m not sure what I’m saying or want to say, but it feels nice to get it all out and maybe reach someone who is feeling as I am. I’ve also been reading a lot of Pat Conroy this month which has been making me very contemplative about my own life thus far — haha. I want the internet to feel fun and interesting again. I’m sick of AI, I’m sick of ads, and I’m sick of consuming media about people doing fun and creative things. I want to do fun and creative things! And I have been working on it, if you haven’t been able to tell. I want to learn new things and live in the real world and visit online as opposed to the other way around. It might sound so frivolous and silly with the world being as it is, but it seems as though the perfect time to invest in our real, local life. What can we do for ourselves? What can we do for the people in our community?
And I do think that’s such a big part of our obsession with being online. We are all so LONELY. As a result, we flock online to find human connection. We are meant for community and it’s a healthy and normal desire for us to search for that. And I understand that, especially as a SAHM. Life can get lonely, especially when you are a SAHM or work from home. It can be isolating. And as a person who is shy and naturally very introverted, in-person interactions can be somewhat scary, but when I do have these natural, organic conversations, I feel so incredibly alive and invigorated. We moved in November and the community that we live in now is so darling and whenever we go for a walk outside, we’re bound to strike up a conversation with others, and that’s such a fun, wonderful thing.
Again, I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make with this post, but I suppose I’m just doing my best to feel and live life and not live on auto-pilot.
XOXO,
Mattie Mae
Midwest Mattie 